April 14, 2017
A record-breaking, kiloton-length new release with all the kinetic energy of [ABRUPTLY CUTS OFF EXPLOSIVES METAPHPOR]...
Eat some chocolate cake with Xi, flatten a section of Afghanistan, (check-in with Vladimir), rattle saber at North Korea (glare menacingly in the direction of everyone else in the room, intermittently clapping your hands and screaming as loud as you can... )... and try to assure everyone that you know exactly what you're doing. Everything is fine. This is fine.
Bannon is out (-ish). NATO is great (again?). And Brian Williams can't be the only journalist in America who LOVES a great fireworks display. What kind of asshole dosen't like fireworks? Also... PUTIN!
Michael Weiss (Senior Editor at The Daily Beast, co-author of the New York Times bestseller ISIS: Inside the Army of Terror), stops by to help sort out the mess.... opportunity? No, it's kind of a mess.
April 7, 2017
We knew things were heating up in Syria, but it was still a bit of a shock when Tomahawk missiles started flying all over the place. Fortunately for all involved, Eli Lake was on hand to explain the inner workings of Multi-dimensional Hungry Hungry Hippos (it'll make sense, honest)... and to provide a bit more context for that ‘Susan Rice Unmasking’ story he kinda* broke… And it’s our birthday!
March 29, 2017
Rep Thomas Massie swings by to provide a first person account of the failed Ryan/Trump health care bill. Plus: The prospects for Trump's Tax reform agenda and the intersections of 'economic nationalism' and libertarianism. Protesting Putin. And the two year anniversary of America's adventure in Yemen.
March 25, 2017
Health Care Reform, Trump’s Long Game, New York Real Estate Woes & Casual Racism, Burning All the Paintings, Multiple Beers and A Tall Bottle of Johnny Walker Black. Fifty episodes in (sort of) and this is what it's come to. We couldn’t be more proud.
March 18, 2017
Did the Brits actually wiretap his building? And look, he’s ‘good people’, but we’re gonna have to talk about this, ‘sources say’ stuff…
Whoa — she's got his tax returns! BUT, before we get to that crucial story, take a look at this Oort Cloud of speculative rambling: Did those planes just HAPPEN to be on the same runway? Well, what about those Yachts? They’re both on the ocean… they’re both in front of a Caribbean island… How do you explain that? How does that just happen? And how about that house in Florida!? Did you know he bought it at a low price and sold it for a higher price… to a Russian!? And if I just keep asking questions in a suspicious tone, do you think anyone will notice how lame a scoop a pair of pages from Trump’s tax return is?
March 10, 2017
It's an active week in Washington as the Trump administration takes a few mulligans. The Travel/Muslim Ban is revealed, Congress debates the deeply unpopular health care reform-reform proposal, and the administration teases a new trillion dollar infrastructure slush fund. The steady diet of (real and imagined) scandal, controversy, and leaks hasn't let up either. And while the national press is outraged over one ridiculous conspiracy theory and infatuated with another, almost no one is paying attention to the slow-motion cataclysm in the middle east... a situation that could get very bad, very fast.
Kmele's a misogynist. Moynihan is in the building. And Welch is in the back of a cab (then the airport terminal)... and Katie Halper stops by, but it's complicated.
(Recorded: March 7st, 2017)
March 5, 2017
NOTE: THIS IS NOT OUR *USUAL* DISPATCH. THE FIFTH COLUMN WILL RESUME REGULAR ACTIVITIES NEXT RELEASE
"Two Conversations About Race, History, and Identity”
Kmele hijacks the podcast stream for a pair of conversations about race, philosophy, what history and filmmaking have in common, why he hates when people call his wife a 'beautiful black woman and his beef with Black History Month.
Dr. Henry Louis Gates
Professor and Director of the Hutchins Center for African and African American Research at Harvard University
"Africa’s Great Civilizations” (PBS) 2017, "Finding Your Roots" (PBS)
Dr. George Yancy
Professor of Philosophy at Emory University
Contributor to "The Stone" - (The New York Times)
Kmele on Race and Related Topics in Various Other Contexts:
“Oscars So Black”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TizdjF5DJX0
Kmele on “Race Pride”:
March 2, 2017
"Presidential." "His Best Speech Yet." "Hey, What Happened To His Entirely-Too-Long Red Tie!?" ---- It's an all new Donald Trump. He's calm, composed, occasionally optimistic and his standard complement of half-truths, exaggerations, outright lies and impossible promises have been better calibrated and tightly scripted for maximum impact. In other words; could be he's finally getting the hang of this whole POTUS thing. Plus: 'How Code Pink Progressives Fell in Love With The War On Terror' --- 'Remembering Chief Petty Officer William “Ryan” Owens' --- 'Are You Seriously Gonna Talk Shit About HBCUs, Kmele!?' (Recorded: March 1st 2017)
February 16, 2017
The cascade of failures, missteps, scandal and controversy otherwise known as the Trump Administration has stammered into its fourth week of governance*. Michael Flynn -- Former National Security Adviser.... the man Previously responsible for reading, condensing and perhaps remixing POTUS's top-secret security briefings, has been kinda-sorta-shitcanned. There was high drama, people shouted and Kellyanne Conway, and there could* be huge* national security ramifications too. But there's something so much more important than all of that...
February 11, 2017
POTUS is at war with the courts, with the press, and on account of it's leaking like a sieve, he's kinda at war with his own administration. Reason's resident legal aficionado Damon Root stop by to expound on the legal wrangling over the immigration ban, the tension between the executive and judicial branch, and there's some stuff about Waco, Devos, Black History Month and Axel Rose too.
February 1, 2017
Is it a Muslim Ban? Should America just 'bar the damn door'? Is it racism? Or is it perhaps just more 'what-about-ism'? What is the connection between Trump's Immigration policy and the location of his many real estate holdings? There are perhaps good answers to these questions, I can't promise you'll find them here... but given the other sources you've probably already consulted, you could do so much worse.
Kevin Williamson of National Review sits in.
January 27, 2017
A week under our belts and we're still reeling...
A deluge of executive activity, constitutional controversies, 'emoluments'(?!), lawsuits, like -- a lot of lawsuits, sex tapes (well, not yet, but you wouldn't really be surprised by that, would you?), media panics, entirely legitimate media outrage, a twitter beef with geopolitical consequences, more media panics, more very legitimate outrage, a $40-billion-30-foot-high wall, a future entirely devoid of guacamole... and, there's more, but you get the idea... Seriously, it's only been a week!
...time is a flat circle.
January 19, 2017
The waning hours of President Obama's tenure, on the eve of Trump-Mageddon, and the hits just keep on coming.
The President-Elect finds himself embroiled in a nasty fight with an almost universally revered CIVIL RIGHTS ICON -- who in this particular showdown may just be playing the part of a cuddly Alex Jones.
And of course, since 'two beefs are always better than one,' Trump is simultaneously mixing it up with CNN too. Is this a prelude to a broader Trumpian assault on the free press!? Maybe? Did you see hopefully?
Plus: Thad Russell makes his pick for the next President of the United States (sort of). Manning gets freed. Matt asks questions about drones and of course other important things happen.
Moynihan is someplace in DC covering the inauguration (or is he ducking Thad)? No problem, we'll just put words in his mouth and strawman the hell out of him.
January 11, 2017
After a day of confirmation hearings and protesters in pink t-shirts, amid growing uncertainty about the future of Obama Care, and just ahead of President Obama's Farewell Address in Chicago; a dossier filled with potentially explosive and definitively explicit allegations about the incoming President-Elect explodes onto the scene. Is it accurate? Where did it come from? Has Trump been compromised? Wait -- did someone say "golden shower"? WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT UP -- WE'RE STILL TRYING TO READ THE DAMN THING!
January 7, 2017
Welch has been eying the guitar in the corner all night, some thoughtful listeners sent the fellas a huge bottle of Johnny Walker Black, and appears they've been reading newly released intelligence briefs for the last hour. If you were in the room, you'd probably be a little drunk too. It's the first fifth of 2017...
December 30, 2016
In the final dispatch of 2016, THE COLUMNISTS examine the recent terror attacks in Berlin -- parsing predictable responses, likely fallout, and beyond.
And as the Obama Presidency draws to a close, an increasingly 'complicated' (if not entirely frosty... but perhaps 'cold-ish') relationship with Vladimir Putin (or is it 'some 400lb guy sitting around in his mom's basement') are hogging the spotlight and throwin' shade on POTUS's legacy.
And about this legacy business... they kick that around too. Good, bad, above average... Welch, Moynihan and Foster discuss. See you in 2017.
December 19, 2016
Definitive accusations from the US intelligence community. Promises of reprisals from President Obama. A last ditch effort to sway Electoral College voters and prevent Donald Trump from moving into the White House.
SPOILER ALERT: You’ll hear exactly zero mentions of Archduke Ferdinand in this dispatch (and perhaps that’s for the best).
December 15, 2016
In the final days of the Obama administration, many ‘journalos’ (pronounced: jurn-ah-lows) are producing fond remembrances of the outgoing administration while closely scrutinizing every (frequently confusing) move and utterance from the incoming administration. What are they getting right? And what are they getting wrong? Plus: perspectives on the new-McCarthyism. Why you should be super scared of Russia and Trump's pick for Secretary of State (or Naw). And some guy named Coates REALLY want’s you to know that President Obama was black & cool; and that the two of them got to hang out a bunch of times (Kmele is super unfair to him).
December 9, 2016
If a white nationalists speaks to a meager audience on a Texas campus, can any American avoid hearing about it? When Tomi tangles with Trevor on The Daily Show, does anyone really win? The answer to both of these questions could be a resounding "no". But not to worry, Hillary Clinton is back and she's imploring lawmakers to help plebs... (sorry), stupid voters... (sorry), idiots like you -- differentiate between fake news and approved... (sorry), factual news outlets. If you can't imagine any problems arising from such a well thought out recommendation, then this podcast is for you (and it's also '...for all my people in the struggle. It's all good baby, baby')
Comedian Jimmy Failla and journalist Jacob Siegel swing by for this gargantuan free for all. Did we mention that Jimmy has a new comedy special on Amazon? He'd like you to go watch it.
December 1, 2016
“Fidel Castro dead, y’all!” Revolutionary, Dictator, Monster and... Human Rights Champion!? No seriously, some idiot wrote that, and worse besides. The Columnists offer an unvarnished appraisal of the newly muerto totalitarian. Glenn Garvin of the Miami Herald is on hand to help make sense of Castro’s legacy and his surprisingly numerous apologists. It’s more than a little disrespectful — but he deserves so much worse.
But Wait, there’s more: Jill Stein raises tons of money, Donald Trump tweets something, there’s a recount, accusations of massive voter fraud and if you set that flag on fire 'somebody gonna go to jail'. @wethefifth
November 22, 2016
A Hamilltonian dressing down for the Vice President Elect? A White Nationalist Confrence in the Nations Capital? Sure -- it's almost Thanksgiving, but before digging into the Turkey, stuffing and cranbary sause -- we managed to sneak in one more dispatch. And "they" said it couldn't be done...
November 18, 2016
What do you do after a media apperance in Midtown Manhattan. If you answered, "Eat Ground Beef with Friends" -- you've probably been drinking with Kat Timpf and Matt Welch.
Trump Ditches the Press Pool to Grab a Steak To Dinner.
Steve Bannon (White House “Chief Strategist”, Xenophon, Anti-Semite, Spousal Abuser, Racist, All of the Above)
Lebron James vs Phil Jackson ("Did you just call us a 'posse'!?")
And The Latest Installment Of The Most Important Story of this Election… “How racist is donald trump”? Super, Regular, or Naw”
Come for the South Park recaps, stay for the celebirty impressions.
November 11, 2016
The election is finally over, and Donald Trump is President Elect of the United States... "What the hell happend!?" This weighty audio dispatch may help sort out a few things. Moyhinan, Welch and Foster are reunited. Andrew Schulz of the Brilliant Idiots podcast makes a return appearance.
You're going to be fine... Really. everythings gonna be OK. We think...
November 3, 2016
This week, Hollywood Mike Moynihan deigns to rejoin the Troika of Truth in our last podcast before Election 2016 is dumped on our heads like a sack of dead rats. Kmele heroically calls in from “Easter Island” (a massage bar on the Upper West Side?) to let everyone know that he STILL thinks that maybe Donald Trump hasn’t been playing footsie with David Duke all along. For longer than Bill Weld probably deserves, we discuss the oddness of the Libertarian vice presidential nominee “vouching for Mrs. Clinton” on The Rachel Maddow Show. And Moynihan finds an idiot who wrote some garbage about Amy Schumer.
October 26, 2016
This week, comedian Andrew Schulz (http://theandrewschulz.com, The Brilliant Idiots Podcast) stops by, Moynihan is a no show, and things get out of hand quickly (The 'explicit content' warning is there for a reason people).
Up for discussions: Schulz shares some thoughts on the privilege of celebrity and recounts a recent run in with Jerry Seinfeld. Kmele hearts another SNL skit but hates Ava DuVernay's new Netflix mass incarceration doc ("13th"). While Welch quotes MLK, explains how lead paint *may* have led to a global crime boom, and has some additional thoughts on the James O'Keefe/Project Veritas videos accusing Hillary Clinton of Voter Fraud.
October 19, 2016
We selected some stories, organized them in a thoughtful way -- and even developed a few punchy segways. But we didn't do much with any of that...
On the eve of the final presidential debate, the damn broke, or something... and this here was the outcome.
October 13, 2016
Moynihan watches the presidential debate with his old pal Glenn Beck. Donald Trump doesn't understand how handshakes work at all. Hillary Clinton should probably give up on email at this point. And there's obviously only one hope for avoiding an all out nuclear conflict between the United States and Russia: someone's gonna need to arm the Kurds while setting up a 'No Fly Zone'...
October 6, 2016
2016 Libertarian Party Presidential Hopeful Gary Johnson Swings By.
We talk Vice Presidential Debates, Aleppo, Foreign Policy, BLM and the Era of Fake News Narratives.
September 29, 2016
Near the tail end of the recording, Moynihan pronounced this the best show we've ever done..." Perhaps so.
What we can say for sure about this weeks installment of The Fifth: 1) We lost track of time, 2) Much wine was poured & consumed, and 3) Gary Johnson is at least as handsome as Han Solo.
We recap the Week in Presidental Campaign 'Stuff' (from the first presidential debate, to Gary Johnson's latest 'Aleppo Moment'. Kmele recounts his recent appearance on the Brilliant Idiots podcast and the subsequent fallout. Other things of interest also occur, but we won't spoil it for you.
September 21, 2016
The triumvirate has much to discuss after a weekend disrupted by terror attacks in several states and yet another high profile police shooting. Media speculation, double standards and misestimation of risk abound. Also... Denzel Washington.
Josh Zepps, host of We The People Live stops by to help get things sorted. (http://www.wtplive.com)
September 15, 2016
We had to MacGyver the hell out of this weeks dispatch. It's almost as if someone was trying to stop us... (Just asking questions here). Aleppo, Baskets of 'Deplorables', More Hacked Emails, Hillary's Flu-Ghazi... or is it a Trumpian Putanist plot (JUST ASKING QUESTIONS)...
Excuse the less then amazing audio. Recorded via Skype from three different cities over internet connection and microphones of variable quality.
August 31, 2016
Colin Kaepernick rides the pine (which makes sense on many levels). Donald Trump visits Mexico. Hillary Clinton squares off with the AltRight. A few things remain unclear: Will our heroes ever get around to the oft promised discussion of 'private prisons'? Will Welch learn to properly operate the clock in the studio? Will Mexico pay for the wall? Will Moynihan finally learn how to 'Dab'?
Andrew Kirell of the Daily Beast sits in for the hour.
"What a Time to Be Alive" is an above average album, "Views" was disappointing. If you've got a problem with the cover art on Young Thug's latest project, keep it to yourself.
August 24, 2016
When Buck Sexton sits in for the hour there's a good chance the conversation will turn to foreign policy. As it turns out, that's exactly what happened and despited promises to the contrary, it pretty much stayed there. We did manage to establish a new (as in "first ever" and "only") Official Beer of the Fifth Column, so that's something. Other highlights: It's Moynihan's Birthday... Pretty sure Matt is drunk... and Kmele managed to pretzel Paul Krugman, Isis, Obama Care and the War in Iraq into a single metaphor -- fair chance he's drunk too.
Special thanks to Hard Knocks Brewing for the evenings libations.
Hard Knocks Brewing, The Official Beer of the Fifth Column Podcast. hardknocksbrewing.com
August 17, 2016
Moynihan is off this week, appears he had obligations related to something he's describing as "his real job". We don't know what that's supposed to mean but it sounds illegal. Author and Observer columnist Michael Malice fills the empty chair for am hour and change, shouts things into the mic and generally enriches our regular rhetorical intercourse.
Up for discussion this week: Gary Johnson's diminishing (but not completely exhausted) prospects for getting into the presidential debates. Matt Welch tell's a story that could get people locked up and/or deported. Charter schools are super racists, duh. That revenge porn of you, it may not be so bad after all. And the best possible (indirect) arguments FOR Trump/Hillary.
August 11, 2016
Episode 20: The most discursive and 'intrupty' installment to date, but never worry, they always stick that landing (that's an Olympics reference).
- Obligatory Olympics Banter
- Malia Obama twerks and tokes at Lalapalooza
- Gary Johnson and Jill Stein, Lose in Court, But Kinda Win, Maybe...
- Clinton and Trump Dazzle the American Electorate With More Email Scandals, Assassination Plots and the Appearance of Generalized Political Corruption
- The Justice Department is Unimpressed with the Baltimore City Police Department
- The White House FINALLY Releases It's Drone War 'Playbook'
- Where else can you get all that in sixty mins? You're welcome.
The noble, just and righteous crusade to replace Olympic Badminton with Olympic Twerking starts here.
Moynihan, Welch and Foster discuss (and bravely lead the charge)...
August 4, 2016
The Conventions are over, Welch, Moynihan and Foster are back in Gotham and it feels like Autumn in August.
Still, Trump related anxieties have managed to reach new levels of 'OH-MY-GOD'; will his ascension to the presidency result in a nuclear conflict, the dismemberment of NATO, Armageddon, or garden variety disappointment & dishonesty? What's so great about NATO? And what's this about a contingent of Black Lives Matter protestors moving into the park adjacent to Kmele's apartment?
Welch, Moynihan and Foster discuss...
July 27, 2016
The Fifth Column's presidential convention coverage continues. Matt Welch phones in from the convention floor in Philadelphia, Moynihan convalesces in New York after a harrowing Republican convention and Foster dabs his brow compassionately with a damp cold cloth.
On The Agenda This Week:
The DNC has developed it's own 'damn email' problem; somehow it involves Russians and a pair of geriatric US presidential candidates.
Trump and Sander's convention speeches are analyzed for an all together different sort of plagiarism; painting by numbers.
Black Lives Matter Moms (pronounced "blim') take center stage at the DNC and thoughts on Europe's worsening terrorism problems. (Updated)
July 21, 2016
Welch and Moynihan from the Floor of the RNC Convention... What could possibly go wrong?
No more description. You listen, you find out!
July 13, 2016
A trifecta of highly charged police involved shootings dominate the headlines; what are the odds that resulting media coverage and political rhetoric are substantive, fact-based and solutions oriented? And what is President Obama going on about?
Plus: Which member of the triumvirate was roughed up for backtalking the cops? Will Barbra Boxer accept Welch's VERY indecent proposal?
And, perhaps most importantly, when is carrying around a bottle of wine in a Ziplock bag filled with ice not dignified and respectable? Probably when you refuse to share.
Foster, Welch and Moynihan discuss...
June 22, 2016
What's the most [REDACTED] ever to [REDACTED]? Can someone really be 'completely brilliant' and 'wrong about virtually everything'? Will we ever get tired of talk'n bout OJ? In a baseball cap and shorts, is Matt the spitting image of Dennis the Menace? Yes.
Foster, Welch and Moynihan discuss...
June 14, 2016
What do Harry Potter, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton have in common? Is it still 'politicizing the tragedy' if everyone's doing it?
When responding to acts of terrorism, is it best to:
A) Employ oversimplification, generalized suspicion and hastily drawn conclusions
B) "Act erratically and blindly lash out at everything"
Foster, Welch and Moynihan discuss...
June 8, 2016
What the hell happened to Matt? How awful was Bernie Sanders week and why does he hate women? Why you got to be all racist?
Foster, Welch and Moynihan discuss… Anthony Fisher (Reason / The Week) drops by.
June 1, 2016
Will Johnson & Weld make it to the presidential debate stage? Just who is this French fellow -- is he really running for POTUS and why's he omitting all the best bits from his Game of Thrones write-ups?
Is there any city more remarkable then Orlando, Florida? Yes.
Plus: "It's not dodging when Bernie does it!" and "Russel vs Moynihan: This time it's personal".
Foster, Welch and Moynihan discuss... Thaddeus Russell (http://www.thaddeusrussell.com) drops by.
May 25, 2016
Trump and Sanders carry populist revolutions to their respective conventions; will violence ensue? Are we witnessing the end of the culture wars? Plus, thoughts on the Freddie "Gaye", Black Lives Matter, and those lapel cameras.
Foster, Welch and Moynihan discuss...
May 17, 2016
If you hurriedly discuss the primary race will it end any faster? If you'd previously maintained that an economic miracle was unfolding in Venezuela, are you morally obliged to move there? "If you agree wit him, why you throwin shade?"
Foster, Welch and Moynihan discuss...
May 10, 2016
Would Tyler Durden vote for candidate Trump? Why can't super rich authors have everything they want? Is "Cookie's" accent wonderful or fantastic?
Charles C.W. Cooke of National Review stops by.
Foster, Welch and Moynihan discuss.
May 4, 2016
Might a Trump primary victory signal the 'end of days' while simultaneously proving the existence of extraterrestrials? Can independents finally make a significant impact on the election? Will Matt and Moynihan finally 'keep it 100?
Foster, Welch and Moynihan discuss...
April 28, 2016
Trump and Hillary cement their leads but no one's willing to get out of the race; why won't anyone make it stop? How is Donald Trump's foreign policy doctrine like a children's game? Just what is the corporate media's nefarious diabolical plan? Plus Venezuela is a mess and blunt razors can still cut you the hell up. Welch is away on a dangerous operation. Moynihan and Foster discuss... w/Andy Levy of Fox News's Red Eye.